Santa Claus is Comin' to Town

Just 3 more sleeps until my little sugarplums will scamper down the stairs to delight in the cache of goodies left by Santa Claus himself!  That being said, there's only 3 more sleeps for mom and dad to pull off the most memorable day of the whole year.  December is a magical time for children, and a maniacal time for moms.

For the last few years I have been able to buy gifts and stocking stuffers right in front of my children as they were too young to know/remember by Christmas Day what came from mom and what came from Santa.  This year was different.  Sure I was able to distract Laney a handful of times at various stores, gently slipping the prizes under my other purchases only to stealthily wing them at the checker and demand that they bag them without my children seeing...or else!  I have even been on a tipsy shopping spree at 10pm to Target with a friend, deliriously drunk from red wine and the power that is shopping sans children.  My saving grace has truly been 2 things:  Laney's preschool mornings and Amazon.com Prime Shipping.

As hard as Christmas has been for me, I can only look at my mother and her friends in awe when I realize that there was no internet shopping when I was little.  Sure, there were catalogs, but mostly there was honest-to-goodness shopping.  I imagine her pulling up to Toys R Us, skidding to a stop in the parking lot, whipping out a flask for some liquid courage, and then putting her game face on as she marched toward the plastic wonderland.  I can picture her scouring the aisles for just the right gifts as she rammed other moms and their carts aside in an effort to snap up the lastest must-have item that we were dreaming of.  Not nearly as magical as clicking and shipping while having a cocktail at my desk!  I feel like writing a thank you note to whomever invented amazon.com and blessing them for eliminating the gridiron shuffle down the aisles of my local toy store.

Last week I even entered Christmas nirvana as the Fedex, UPS, and USPS men showed up at my door day after day dutifully delivering my shopping to me.  There were 3 days in a row where I received 5+ boxes, and the UPS guys actually started bringing them inside for me, stacking them neatly in the hallway that had become my own private shopping paradise.  I informed my UPS driver during his first day of holiday deliveries that I was a heavy internet shopper and he smirked at me, as if to say I was an amateur.  That was Monday.  By Wednesday he was asking what sites I used and bemoaning his own situation of having to actually go to the mall and shop!  Moron!  I even downloaded the amazon app for my phone so I could shop on a whim, because my best gift giving ideas often come to me when I am in very inconvenient places (ie traffic or the playground).  I even purchased a book while inside Barnes and Noble because they only had it in paperback at the store (Bonus:  it was $6 cheaper from amazon)

I spent Tuesday night participating in my own personal Christmas tradition:  wrapping gifts while drinking my favorite wine (Coppola Claret) and watching a cheesy made-for-tv Christmas movie.  The key component of this tradition is that there are no kids and no husbands around!  This year's movie was "The 12 Dates of Christmas" and it didn't disappoint.  I even got all of the stocking stuffers wrapped in tissue paper and sorted for an easy Christmas Eve.  That's right, my wrapping was all done on December 20th, a new record for me.

Is there anything better for getting through the holidays than alcohol?  I think not.  Tomorrow I am going to try making some of  "Rudolph's Tipsy Spritzers"  (OJ, Sprite, vodka, Maraschino Cherry juice, lemon juice, garnished with a cherry a la Rudolph!)

Assembly night.

This brings me to the big ticket items:  the Santa gifts for L and L.  I picked up the 12 Volt Disney FJ Cruiser in purple and pink for Laney on Tuesday.  I had to fold down the 3rd row of seats in the Suburban to get the box in, and it just barely fit.  We put it in the garage for storage and I began parking in the driveway.  On Wednesday, Patrick picked up some pine 2x4s and started building a train table for the kids.  I helped him out with it on Wednesday night and we even had time to rub varnishing wax onto it.  It turned out looking pretty good, and all we had left was to prime and paint the plywood top for it.  I was shocked that things were going so smoothly and we were set to assemble the FJ ride-on toy tonight, making us totally prepared for Christmas.  Of course, we hit a snag.

Patrick and Laney decided to wash Toby while I was out running errands (of course, what else does a mom do in December) this morning.  She bolted into the garage to help gather the supplies before Patrick could stop her, and promptly demanded to know "what was all that stuff in the garage?"  Patrick gets major kudos for the brilliance that follows, as I would have stood there dumbfounded with no explanation for the scene.  He told Laney that Santa had to send some of the stuff ahead with Heart Happybags because it was too big to fit in his sleigh, and that we had hid it for Santa.  Now we might have to admit that we built the train table and have Santa give them the Kindle Fire we bought for them.  I don't think she will recognize the ride on toy because it was just a big box when she saw it.  After all of this cloak-and-dagger planning, it only took 10 seconds to undo our greatest plans.  Fan-tas-tic.  So glad I have been running around doing all this work only to undo it 3 days before the unveiling.

Table all constructed, with the top painted and drying in the background.  There was no hiding this once she walked into the garage.  Poor Patrick has blisters and cuts all over his hands from making this.  

Can you believe we blew it on the first Christmas that we had a true believer in the house?  Maybe next year we will have to do some off-site assembly and some fancy post-bedtime Christmas Eve schlepping of stuff from the grandparent's house to ours.  Oh well, nothing can eclipse the magic of Christmas morning and all will be forgotten as she thunders down the stairs to gather up her North Pole loot.  Until then, the eminent threat of the dreaded lump of coal seems to be keeping all sibling rivalry in check, but just barely.

Note the giant cardboard box!  A recycling nightmare for sure.

God I can't wait for Christmas, mostly because I just can't wait for it to be over.  Don't get me wrong, I am really looking forward to spending time with family, giving gifts to my loved ones, and making memories with my kids.  It's just that making Christmas seem magic is a lot of difficult behind-the-scenes work that goes unappreciated by the kids.  I don't think you can actually understand the torture your mom went through all those years ago until you are in the thick of it with your own little ones.  Guess I should call my mom now and thank her again for those Cabbage Patch kids we got when I was in the single digits.

ps--where in the hell am I supposed to put all of this cardboard?  Our recycling bin is full to the brim and we just emptied it this morning!  The one down side of all that free shipping...

Guess I deserve to get punched in the throat

I just finished reading a blog post on a blog titled:  People I Want to Punch in the Throat.  I was shocked (wink, wink) to find out that I am one of those people!  It was written by someone named Jen, and apparently her next victim will be an "Over Achieving Elf on the Shelf Mommy."   Even though I am sure that if we met, she would immediately sucker punch me, this post had me laughing so hard I was crying.  For anyone who has a elf in their house, this post is for you!   http://peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.blogspot.com/2011/12/over-achieving-elf-on-shelf-mommies.html

Here is my favorite quote from the post, the one that put me over the edge and doubled me over in delight at my desk!

"He's called The Elf on the Shelf, not the Elf who Skydives, Takes Bubble Baths and Shaves the Dog!  Leave him on the shelf so the rest of us slackers don't look so bad.  I think I'm just going to lay my Elf on his shelf, tape wires and hoses to him and tell my kids he's in a coma and hopefully he'll recover before Christmas.  That should give me some flexibility.

ps--today's post on Holiday cards will make you stream more tears than a cook dicing up onions.  Don't believe me?  check it out here  http://peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.blogspot.com/2011/12/holiday-greetings.html

Christmas Magic

It has been said that "Christmas waves a magic wand over the world and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful."  (Norman Vincent Peale)

I found out this afternoon how true that saying was when Laney turned to me while playing with Play-Doh, gave me a hug, and whispered in my ear,


"I love you more than reindeers."

Truly some Christmas magic for me at her play table today.

Mornings

My kids have started playing together.  Not just playing in the same room, but really interactively playing.  Most of this play happens in Liam's room which has more floor space since he is still in a crib and not a big boy bed.  They love to run around his room, play behind the curtains, and to do laps around his mirrored wardrobe doors.  His closet is extra deep, so there is a convenient little running lane on the inside of the closet between the clothes and the backside of the doors.  If I sit in the playroom on our sofa in just the right spot, I can monitor them without them noticing.  Usually they are screaming with laughter, and sometimes they just stand and dance/bounce in front of the mirror.  Priceless!

I left them doing just this the other morning after getting them both dressed.  I headed off to my closet to get dressed for the day and was pulling a shirt over my head when the peals of laughter turned to shrieks of annoyance.  When I walked into Liam's room I found him face-down on the carpet with Laney draped over his back, arms around his neck.  This is her version of hugging him, and it totally pisses him off.  Liam was screaming and struggling to get away, and instead of helping him, I began to laugh hysterically because Laney was yelling as loud as she could:  "You are my friend!  You are my friend!"  Then she stood up and whacked him in the middle of the back and added a final  "you are my friend Liam!" and stomped off.  As soon as she got off him, Liam toddled over to the closet and began happily playing by himself.  Surprisingly there was no fall out over the situation and they just went on playing as usual.  Siblings!  Laney better watch out though.  Soon Liam will learn to fight back, and then these scenarios might not have such a civil ending.

Mr. Heart Happybags 2011

There's a new Christmas tradition in town, and it is called "The Elf on the Shelf."   All of my friends with kids have one, and I have to say, this thing really is magic!    In a nutshell, the elf magically arrives after Thanksgiving from the North Pole, and watches behavior around the house.  He magically flies back to the North Pole every night to report to Santa about your behavior.  Then he comes back, hiding in a different spot each day.  Click here for a full description of the tradition from elfontheshelf.com 

Let me digress for a moment as I take you back in time to Christmas 2010, when our elf arrived at our home.  Laney's cousins all had elves and it was time for her to join in on the fun.  I picked up our elf at Hallmark and we sprung him on her one morning in late November.  As we opened the box, I realized for the first time that elves can come in many different varieties (namely light or dark skinned, blond or brunette, and brown eyed or blue eyed.)  Heart happens to be light skinned, brunette, and blue eyed.  We let Laney hold him as we read her the book, and then got to the page where the family picks a name and records it on the Elf Adoption page.   Most of my friends have elves in their homes with cute Christmas-y names like Jingles, Peppermint, and Snowflake.  Laney decided to name our elf,  Mr. Heart Happybags.  My hand to God, that is exactly what she told us when we asked her what we should name him.  We dutifully recorded it and like all the other oddball animals we have had in our lives, he quickly became a part of the household.

Mr. HHB made his grand reappearance this year in Tahoe.  We traveled there on Friday after Thanksgiving and woke up Saturday morning to find him hanging out on the chandelier over the dinner table.  Laney was REALLY excited to see him (thanks to P and I talking it up for a week beforehand), and a dramatic improvement in her behavior has been noted by Mr. HHB and myself. Below you will find a daily picture of Heart's local hangouts.

Saturday, 11/26  HHB hangs out on the chandelier so he can watch Laney and make sure she eats all her dinner.

Sunday, 11/27 Heart moves to the pendant light over her little table so he can watch her color.

Monday, 11/28  HHB finds a spot on the fireplace to nestle into, making sure to position himself for a great view of Monday Night Football.

Tuesday, 11/29  Heart moves into the kitchen to keep an eye on all the activity from up high.

Wednesday, 11/30  Heart snuggles into the pine boughs of a wreath on the door, just to make sure he doesn't get left behind as we pack up to leave.

Thursday, 12/1  Mr. HHB warms up his tushy in a candle holder in our living room, watching us unpack from our trip. 

Friday, 12/2  Just hanging around, scouting out his next arrival spot.

Saturday 12/3  Heart's appetite got the best of him and we found him covered in crumbs after pigging out in a plate of cookies from a cookie exchange I attended.



Sunday 12/4  We decorated our tree yesterday and found HHB in it this morning, no doubt checking out our tannenbaum splendor.



Monday 12/5  Sinterklaas came to our house last night, and our nosy little elf made his way over to the door to check out the Dutch tradition.

Tuesday, 12/6:  Heart took some liberties with our camera and computer last night.  We woke up this morning to find a printout that had a picture of him with Toby and a note for the kids that read:  

Dear Laney and Liam,

I love hanging out with Toby while you guys sleep.  He has been such a good boy, I am sure that Santa will bring him a big, juicy bone for Christmas!

Love,

Heart Happybags

Wednesday, 12/7:  We caught HHB hanging out with our Nutcrackers.  Took us awhile to find him, as he blends pretty well!

Thursday, 12/8:  Heart has a girlfriend!  

Friday, 12/9  We found Heart nestled into a wreath above our pantry door, snuggling with a candy cane.  As soon as Laney saw him, she started yelling "Naughty elf!  Naughty Elf!  Don't eat my candy cane!"  She was really upset that he had one up there, and we had to remind her that if he ate the candy cane we could always buy more.

Saturday 12/10:  Watching "Wipeout" with the family

Sunday 12/11:  Elf camouflage

Monday 12/12:  HHB eats his way through my decorative gingerbread house.  Not so decorative anymore!

Tuesday 12/13:  Heart was singing in the rain after some winter showers

Wednesday 12/14:  Heart was eating our treats and cookies during the night.  Someone (Laney) got very upset with him again after spying another candy cane in his grip

Thursday 12/15:  Late night book club, elf style

Friday 12/16:  Snow angels, So Cal style

Saturday 12/17:  Just hanging around

Sunday 12/18:  HHB sleeps like a bat

Monday 12/19:  HHB goes nuts with all the necklaces upstairs.  A little early for Fat Tuesday...

Tuesday 12/20:  Everyone knows that elves LOVE pancake syrup

Wednesday, 12/21:  Feeling a little sticky after his affair with Aunt Jemima, HHB takes a shower

Thursday, 12/22:  Found HHB in Laney's dollhouse, clearly chatting up the ladies.  Perhaps he dumped the nativity angel.  She probably wasn't his type.

Friday 12/23:  Heart appeared on our newly installed metal gates on the wall over the fireplace.  He had a letter from Santa and 2 candy canes in the "letters for Santa" ornament for our Christmas tree.  Santa encouraged the kids to be nicer to each other, urging Laney to share with her brother and Liam to stop pulling Laney's hair.

Saturday, Christmas Eve:  Heart appears for the final time in the pasta jar that holds L and L's favorite food:  mini wheel pasta!

We let Laney fall asleep with HHB on Christmas Eve, since Santa was collecting him after he stuffed our stockings.  Laney was very worried that he would lose his magic, but we assured her that he wouldn't need it that night because he was catching a ride to the North Pole in a sleigh.

Farewell HHB!  We will see you again next Thanksgiving (or any time I am looking for something near the back of the top shelf in our pantry)

I baked something...

...and it is actually edible.  Delectable even!  Here is the recipe, thanks to Hershey's Kisses and their handy bag of Candy Cane Kisses.

INGREDIENTS:

48 Hershey's Kisses brand Candy Cane Mint Candies

1 stick butter softened

1 cup sugar

1 egg

1.5 tsp vanilla extract

2 cups flour

1/4 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp salt

2 Tbsp. milk

Red or green sugar crystals (I used the large ones)

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 350F.  Cream butter, sugar, egg, aned vanilla until well blended.  Mix dryu ingreients together and then add alternating with milk to butter mix until well blended.  Shape dough into 1 inch balls.  Roll in sugar and then place on ungreased cookie sheet.  Bake for 8-10 minutes, until edges are brown and cookie is set.  Unwrap the kisses while the cookies are baking.  Remove cookies from oven and let cool on the sheet for 3 minutes.  Then press a kiss into the center of each cookies.  Place cookies on a wire rack to completely cool.  

ENJOY THIS FESTIVE TREAT! (And make everyone think you can actually bake)

Seriously

Could I have a day where I don't have to wash pee off something?  Please!?!

Liam's sensitive side

We discovered this weekend that if you tell Liam no, or especially "no-no-no" when he is doing something naughty (i.e. pulling cords out of walls, throwing food off his tray to the dog, playing with the dog food bowl, hitting his sister), he will get really offended.  He will, as Laney says, "have wobbling lips" and then he screams and cries at the top of his lungs.  Liam also has started biting things, not people, but things like tables, high chairs, and slides at the park when he is frustrated.  He will bang his teeth against the intended victim and scream loudly.  Poor little guy, if only he could talk!  He also screams and gesticulates wildly at mealtimes if he sees something he thinks he needs (like our sodas, beers, or a cup of juice).  We have to get him his own cup and put tiny amounts of juice in it so he can gulp it down one swig at a time.  He is very sensitive right now to anything and everything we say, but has been a little nicer to live with the past week as he really is walking so well.  He LOVES playing upstairs because he can walk around all the bedrooms and the playrooms, and frequently does laps.  His laps include a once-around the mirrored wardrobe doors in his room and all the way into my bathroom and back.  He doesn't really even walk like Frankenstein anymore, but does do an odd little wrist roll as he walks and tries not to fall.  He is definitely getting fast and I even caught him trying to do a little waddling run tonight.  Lord help me, that kid is going to be running by next week!

Snuggle time fail

I woke up one morning recently to find myself and Laney cuddled together in bed.  Patrick (God bless him) had already gotten up with Liam, and I was delighted to feel Laney snuggle in closer to me as she began stirring.  She opened her eyes and looked up at my face and said in the sweetest voice she could manage:

"Mommy, your breath smells like diarrhea."


It's a good thing she's cute....

Science Experiment update

4 nights into the experiment and we are 4 for 4 on going to bed like a big girl!  3 of the 4 nights she has just fallen asleep while being red to, but Wednesday night was a milestone for Laney.  We tucked her in, read 3 books to her, said our prayers, and then kissed her goodnight.  P and I sat in the playroom where she could see us while she fell asleep (a little moral support never hurt anyone!)  A few minutes into the project she turned her bedside lamp on, but fell asleep 4 minutes later.  So glad that I switched the table and chair so that she could have the lamp right next to her.  (I am hearing applause in my head as I write this).  I promised Laney she could have any prize she wanted after 3 nights of big girl sleeping, so we headed off to Babies R Us (her choice) for new jammies.

Wouldn't you know it, we found a pair of pink footie jammies with an elephant on it.  Perfection on a hanger, at least it was for Laney.  My proud little baby wore them to bed last night and still hasn't taken them off yet (TGIF).

I love it when my mommy-brainstorms work out.  Makes me feel like I actually know what I am doing.

Parenting fail!

I am embarrassed to say that I have forgotten to strap my daughter into her car seat numerous times lately.  We will arrive somewhere and she will put her hand on the buckle release and announce that mommy forgot again.  I feel terrible about this and had to remedy the situation.  Here is my solution:

Yes, that is a Post-it on the dashboard of my car, right where I will see it every time I go to put the Beast in gear.  Pathetic:  yes.  Still, I haven't forgotten to buckle her seat belt since installing the note last week.  Guess I won't be winning any Mother-of-the-Year awards anytime soon.

PS--I haven't forgotten to strap Liam in yet.  Does that count for anything?

Science Experiment: Toddler sleep patterns

I used to love it when the time changed in the fall.  Getting that hour of sleep back each October/November was so amazing and it felt like a treat to sleep in for a few days until I adjusted to the time change.  Now I loathe the fall time change.  My kids didn't really seem to "get it" and woke up at 5:05am on Sunday since they normally wake up between 6 and 7.  Today wasn't much better, although Patrick did convince Laney to stay in bed until 6am.  Their bed time hasn't been as bad, but I was inspired today to test drive a new plan of action for bedtime with Laney.

I spent most of the spring fighting with Laney about going to bed in her bed.  I would put her to bed only to have her get out of bed and come back downstairs over and over.  Some nights I would put her to bed at 8 and she wouldn't actually go to bed until 10.  Eventually we got so tired of fighting about bedtime with her that we let her start falling asleep on the couch while we watch TV.  Not exactly good parenting, but at least she was going to bed earlier.  This has been working pretty well, but we have entered a new era of tantrum throwing that is really starting to wear me down.

Fast asleep in her spot on the couch, with Pillow on a pillow, Lovey tucked in next to her, thumb in her mouth, special blankey over her body with her feet tucked in.  

Laney is a world class whiner, combined with a unique ability to be stubborn about anything (okay it's not unique, but I am totally blaming that one on Patrick!)  She has an average of 3 or more tantrums a day and they last for 5 to 10 minutes at a time.  I am really at the limits of patience with her.  In fact, it took me FOREVER to get out of the house this morning because Laney and Liam started fighting and both had melt downs over it.  While driving the kids down to Sea World, Laney told me that she had had a bad morning because she was tired.  A tiny light bulb sprang to life in my head and I told her that I thought she wasn't getting very good sleep by falling asleep on the couch.  I asked her if she wanted to try going to bed in her bed, with a bribe attached of course, and she consented.  I couldn't believe my ears!  During our trip around Sea World we hammered out a plan/bribe to get her to start falling asleep in her bed again.

When we got home from Sea World I switched the chair and lamp table in her room so the lamp would be right next to her bed in case she got scared.  I woke her up twice this afternoon when she started to nap so that she would be good and tired at bedtime.  We decided she could have 3 books read to her before bed, and then she would close her eyes and go to sleep.  Part of the deal was that I would stay upstairs while she fell asleep, but I would stay in my own room.  The other part was that she had to stay in her bed until morning.  No doing laps up and down the stairs all night with invented needs (like needing one more hug, a drink of water, etc.)  She happily agreed to this when I told her we could go shopping after the third night to wherever she wanted to buy a prize.  Know what she picked?  A trip to Babies R Us to buy clothes.  Specifically, new jammies or play clothes.  I offered her a trip to Toys R Us to pick out any toy she wanted, but the girl wants what she wants.  Love that about her.  :)

So the first night went off without a hitch.  We did baths, jammies, then a round of Candy Land with Patrick after Liam went to bed.  Then we brushed teeth, had a drink of water, and headed up to the bed.  I tucked her in with pillow, new lovey, and old lovey, and only made it halfway through the second book before she was lights out.  Hopefully the experience was positive enough to get her through the next two nights because mommy is reclaiming the night.  I need my downtime too, and that means no kids in sight.  Keep your fingers crossed for nights 2 and 3!  Updates to follow.

My week in review

The kids have really been cracking me up lately, so I thought I better blog about it before I forgot!

Liam discovered ketchup a week ago.  We dipped a french fry into it and had him taste it.  He was tentative at first, and then couldn't gobble it up fast enough.  Now he gets extra excited when he sees ketchup, pointing and grunting at it until we feed it to him.  BTW, ketchup is best fed to Liam when he isn't wearing clothes...

Ketchup face at George Burgers

Just yesterday we noticed that he will stick his tongue out before eating a food now and lick it.  Apparently he has decided to become discriminating over what he will eat after 13 months.

Laney piped up from the back seat of the car the other day to ask me:  "Mommy, do you remember that one day?  That one big day when I had that drink?"  (insert sound effect of crickets chirping as I was racking my brain trying to figure that one out).  I prompted her for more information and she told me that "it was a drink like a crocodile."  (insert more cricket chirping).  I asked her to tell me more about why it was like a crocodile and she told me it was like an alligator too.  Aha!!!!  Gatorade!  She had some Gatorade at Shesh's house and really wanted me to buy her some.  As I drove on down the road, I gave myself a little pat on the back for figuring that one out.  Maybe I am a genius after all.


Laney really likes to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  Liam has become OBSESSED with it, and primarily with Mickey Mouse.  When the theme song for the show begins to play, he starts pointing, flapping, and shrieking something that sounds like "Dickey!"  He has even spotted Mickey in books and in various locations (like Toys R Us) and gotten really excited.  Christmas shopping for Liam should be a piece of cake this year.  Hello Disney Store!




Laney continues to pronounce a few things wrong, and I find it so charming!

• motalk = mohawk (we give Liam one every night in the bath while we wash his hair)
• salon nail = nail salon
• fumigo = flamingo
• Old MacDonalds = McDonalds
• prized = surprised
• pack pack = backpack
• chwocolate = chocolate
• pewter = computer

This morning I told Liam "no no no" when he threw his breakfast over the side of his high chair to Toby (again).  Of course I used the mom-wagging-finger to emphasize my point.  Liam used that finger right back to demonstrate no-no-no to mommy.  Oh great.  2 kids that can talk back now.  I'm doomed.

Laney's first haircut

Laney's first haircut was this past summer, and she also went to Kids Kuts to have her locks tamed by Heather.  Laney's favorite part was getting to sit in a race car chair to have her trim.  Heather was amazing with her and Laney behaved so well for the entire thing.  She has since had a second haircut, but here are some pics from the first one.