Swim lessons part 3 & 4

4 weeks of swim lessons have come and gone, and I for one am thrilled. I am thrilled at the results just as I am thrilled to not have to make the daily trek to the swim complex. Schlepping 2 less-than-thrilled kids to the pool Monday through Thursday put quite a kink in my schedule, and now that it is over I am enjoying my new found "free time", which I am using to catch up on laundry, gardening, etc. {amazing how my definition of free time has changed since having kids} Anyhow, my kids can swim and that is what truly matters. Mother's Day weekend fell between weeks 3 and 4, and Patrick and I found ourselves without kids overnight as we attended a wedding in Newport Beach. The kids stayed with Shesh and PopPop and did a ton of swimming while we were gone. The amazing part was that Liam finally found his comfort level in the pool. My mom got him to start swimming to her in the jacuzzi and he has never looked back. By the time we went swimming with him Sunday afternoon, whe was happily floating along and putting his face in the water, even jumping to us from the steps. We were truly able to enjoy swimming as a family and it finally made tropical vacations seem doable some day. Laney continued to swim back and forth across the jacuzzi for hours on end, even braving the chilly waters of the pool to splash around in the beach area of the pool and play with the dogs. After a full day of swimming she tells us that it looks "froggy" inside, and we have to douse her eyes in saline drops. Week 3 of swim lessons passed with Laney being able to swim the entire length of the swimming pool, stopping to float and catch her breath and then flipping over and paddling some more. Liam finally figured out how to float on his back after being weighed down with a bulky sweatshirt in the water. Week 4 found both kids working on survival skills and learning what it felt like to fall into the water fully clothed. They had to go in in street clothes as well as winter wear and then flip themselves over and float. Both passed with flying colors, and Laney was even wearing swim fins and swimming through underwater hula hoops to pick up toys off the bottom of the pool in the shallow end. All in all, I am really glad that I put the kids through their paces and had them do this program. It was hard-core and so gnarly at times that I began to doubt myself and whether I had made the right choice. I am so glad that we stuck it out though, because the results were worth it. Peace of mind is something you can't put a price on, and these lessons gave me a pretty big dose of it. We will continue to remain hyper vigilant around water with the kids, but just knowing that they aren't totally helpless should the worst happen makes me sleep a little easier at night.

Fork you!

Laney decided that she really wanted to ride her bike to the park on Friday morning.  So after Liam's nap that afternoon, we headed off for some playtime.  We came back to the house at 5:30pm, and I began making dinner immediately due to Liam's rumbling tummy.  I put some water on to boil and got out a box of  mini-rotelle wheels for the kids.  Buttered-Parmesan pasta wheels is their all-time favorite meal!  Liam was pacing hungrily around the kitchen after he heard me pour the pasta in the water, wanting it to be done immediately.  Since we had 8 minutes to kill until dinner time, I tried to get him to help me set the table.  We put the placemats out, and I let him carry the butter tub and container of Parmesan cheese to the table.  Next I gave him napkins and kid forks to take over there.  He came back with his fork which has a chubby plastic handle and blunted metal tines on it.  He started pointing at the empty box of pasta on the counter and saying "pasta".  Then he pointed to my cookie jar and correctly said "owl".  Then he pointed to a monkey on his shirt and started making monkey noises, so I made them back.  This made him laugh and we kept it up for a minute or so.  I then squatted down to make more noises with him.  His smile vanished as his brandished his fork and lunged toward me in a classic fencing pose, mouth erupting with menacing growl.  It caught me so off guard that I fell backward onto my butt right in the middle of my kitchen.  Then he raised his fork, pointed to the empty box and screamed "PASTA!!!"     It was as if Liam was telling me to get back to work and make him dinner.  Or as my mom more accurately described it:  "Fork you mom!"

Did my precious little boy really just try to stab me?  Yes, he most certainly did.  And, now I have proof that I have passed on one of my lesser genetic traits:  Hanger {pronounced hang-grrrr}.  I have long suffered from this horrible affliction, an embarassing combo of hunger and anger that causes you to act highly irrationally at the thought of not being fed.  My Hanger reached a new level of viciousness when I was pregnant, but has tapered off since then.  This was the first time that I had seen it occur in Liam.  Only once before did I see Laney exhibit such behavior during an ill-fated trip to a burger restaurant where she sat in our booth yelling "FRIES" at the top of her lungs in the direction of the kitchen until our food was brought to us.  Hanger is not pretty and I am not all that excited by the notion that both of my kids have inherited it.

I guess I will have to watch my back from now on when my kids are circling the kitchen at meal times.  Does anyone know where I can buy a bulletproof apron?

Swimming lessons: week 2

So week 2 went pretty much how week 1 went:  there was a lot of screaming and crying involved, and slightly less barfing afterward.  However, I could see definite improvements after 8 lessons.  Laney swam half the length of the lap pool using the swim-float-swim method.  She can finally turn herself over to her back to get a breath, and then flip back to her tummy to continue swimming.

This week we made Liam swim first each day because he hates swimming.  He begins to cry in the parking lot after he has figured out where we are and continues crying right through getting dressed and into the pool.  He cries every time he comes up for air while swimming and cries while being toweled off and changed after swimming.  By the time that Laney is done with her lesson he is fine and even smiling and waving at his instructors.  They tell me that he doesn't like swimming because learning to swim is hard work.  I think he doesn't like swimming because he is Liam and he has the disposition of a cantankerous old man.

Laney took a different approach to trying to get out of swimming each day:  bargaining.  She would sit in my lap wrapped in a towel nervously asking if Liam was done every minute or so.  When it came time to get him out of the pool she would cry and slowly back away from the pool while asking her instructors if she could just swim a few times and then get out.  She would only go towards the pool once they agreed with her, even though they had no intention of letting her have her way.  She would cry and fuss on the first few swims and then would get down to work and even smile.  Still, she would report daily that her favorite part of swim class was "getting out of the pool."

This past weekend, things changed for her.  We took her to Shesh's house for some "fun swimming" as Laney puts it and she became a fish.  She discovered that she can do all of the things she has been working on and that she enjoys them!  Laney swam for 1.5 hours each day going back and forth across the Jacuzzi and the shallow end.  It was hard to get her out of the pool, and when I did she kept complaining that it was "froggy" in the house.  Translation:  she had a lot of pool water in her eyes and everything looked foggy to her.  That is a lot of swimming.

Today's lesson went very well too.  We brought her special "magic bathing suit" from Shesh's house and she had a ball at class, smiling the whole time and swim-float-swimming the entire length of the pool.  I was so proud standing there on the decking {with Liam howling in my ear} watching her discover how good she is at swimming.  Ah, how the littlest things can make your whole day!  Hopefully Liam can discover how much he likes to swim soon.

Targetians: Giving Walmartians a run for their money

I took the kids on a *fun* outing today to Target.  They will do anything for crap from the $1 bin, including being nice to each other while I fill up my cart with cleaning supplies and more kids clothes they don't really need.  They love riding in this cart, which I am pretty sure is at least 8 feet long.  At least it has a 5 point harness for each child so they can't get away from me!

The lamest of all carts to push around a big box store.  God help me, my kids shriek with joy when they see it empty.

So, as I wheeled this red monstrosity through the children's clothing department, we got stuck between several rounders of clothes.  I mean, wedged tightly between the rounders with no escape route.  Liam started pulling clothes off the hanger and flinging them in the air (of course).   I put the red monster in reverse and finally found an aisle big enough for a 50 point turn.  Lesson learned.  No clothes shopping with the kids in a red boat.  I knew there was a reason that I loved online shopping:  you can drink wine and no one throws clothes like confetti at you.

Anyhow, we wheeled over to the cleaning aisle and as I made a left turn down an aisle (after properly signalling to the carts around me!) I found a woman with 2 kids in a cart similar to mine.  Only she was shopping with a bowl in her hands so her kid could throw up into it.  That's right, there was a small child barfing in the cleaning aisle at Target.  Hey God, didn't I already have enough barf for one week?  If you don't know what I am talking about, read my previous blog post about swim lessons.  As a mom of 2 mildly well-behaved children, I try not to judge other moms and the way they parent while I'm out and about.  However, is there really any cleaning supply so necessary that you would drag your barfy kid to Target along with a mixing bowl and a baby? I watched her stow the child in the seat and the barf-filled bowl on the bottom of the cart, and calmly continue perusing the cleaning aisle.  Right then I knew that whatever it was that I had previously needed from that aisle, I would be happy to pay top dollar for later at Albertsons.  We blasted backwards out of that aisle and found another one clear of bodily fluids.

We picked up a case of dog food I got a running start to get our cart going towards the check-out stands.  Just as we topped out at max-cart speed, a woman in a Lil' Rascal wheeled up next to us and asked Liam if he wanted to race.  She then tipped her head back and cackled, flashing us her few remaining teeth as she sped off.   Liam turned around to look at me with what I can only imagine was his "What the F was that?" look.  If only I had a picture!

My Grammy recently declared that she would love to go to Walmart sometime to people watch after viewing the People of Walmart website.  Perhaps I will start a new website dedicated to Targetians and all of their weirdness.  Isn't anyone normal anymore?

Swimming lessons, week 1

The kids survived their first week of swim lessons with Fin2swim.com's instructors, Keri and Calvin.  We met them at the local pool for a 30 minute lesson Monday-Thursday.  The lessons were basically 30 minutes of protracted torture for the kids, then a bonus round of torture for me as they took turns barfing on me after their lessons.  Liam punctuated his hatred of the pool by peeing on me twice this week as I changed him into dry clothes.

The particular method that their instructors use is not for a lesser mommy to watch.  The kids work very hard for 15 minutes a day (4 times a week) for a month.  The instructors take turns dunking them into the water and propelling them forward to get the kids to start kicking and paddling.  They pop the kids up from underwater every few seconds so they can get a breath.  They continue their lesson in a calm and reassuring, yet take-no-prisoners manner until both kids are exhausted and ready to get out.  While in the water, they both cry and scream and become hysterical after swallowing mouthfuls of water.  Laney hates going so much that she wraps herself around my neck as I carry her to the pool and her instructor has to help pry her off of me.   They both get sick after getting out of the pool because of all that crying and the water they have taken in.  Still, as soon as they are both dry, they are back to their normal moods and Laney usually professes over dinner that it was fun to swim.  Liam has begun swimming underwater a few feet back and forth from his teachers and can float on his back by his self.  Laney swam half the distance of the pool yesterday.  The instructors flip her to her back every few feet so she can get a breath of air before continuing.  They made so much progress in 4 days!

The instructors promise me that at the end they will be able to flip to their backs and swim to the steps of the pool after falling in fully clothed.  They assure me that the kids will even like swimming when we are done with these lessons. (Let's hope so!  They aren't cheap.)  Drowning prevention is a must for us since we spend so much time at Shesh's house, and will be going to Lake Tahoe this summer.  I am just hoping that they still like swimming after all of these lessons end in a few weeks...In the meantime, I have started wearing crappy clothes to the pool and face the kids away from me when I wrap them in towels.  Oh the joys of motherhood.  It's just so glamorous.

We are family

Here is a portrait of our family as drawn by Laney today:

Please note that Laney told me that she was giving me extra long hair (apparently she thinks I bear a striking resemblance to Marge Simpson), and that Patrick is featured with armpit hair. (Laney expressly told me that she was adding hair to daddy's armpits as she drew the picture.)  Bonus, she drew hair on his head too!  Liam looks like an angry green alien searching our planet for signs of life, using the arms growing out of his head as a probe.  Laney herself looks like a happy little teacup.  Ironically, she is the only one who was drawn with ears, yet she never listens to me!

Laney did all the drawings without my help, and copied FAMILY with very little direction.  She only needed a little prompting to remember to add appendages and facial features!  Well done Laneybug. :)

PS--do any other Perrys think it looks like my drowsy eye is winking? ;)  That's what I thought, Lucille.

Someone hates the Easter bunny

This visit to the EB was a check swing...