Truth and Consequences

The truth is, I am raising a biter and a fighter.

I am outmatched from 7am to 6pm every day and can't stop every fight before it happens.  At least I am well versed in behavior management thanks to my teaching career.  Still, it's different when they are your kids.  Raising one strong-willed child is tough, but raising 2 seems impossible some days.  True there are the rare days like this past Sunday at the Safari Park where everything goes smoothly and you wonder why you don't take the kids on outings more often.  Then there are days like yesterday.

I woke up during the wee hours of what would eventually become Monday to screams of "mommy" and "oh no" from Laney, for which I correctly surmised as I navigated the playroom in the dark, that her diaper had leaked in her bed.  She was soaked in pee, as were her sheets that I had just washed a few days before for the same problem. Laney sleeps so deeply that she doesn't wake up to go to the bathroom and has a tendency to flood her bed at times.  She was crying and upset, so I stripped her nude (still in the dark) and changed her into a new diaper and jammies after giving her a wipee bath.  I brought her back to my bed and popped her in beside me to finish out the night.  Turns out that I would be getting up a few hours later with Liam at 5:15am, who also had pee jammies (see my post from 11/20/2011...I am soooo tired of pee).  I bathed both kids at 7am and then attempted to get them dressed simultaneously so I could head to the gym on time.  Liam was diapered but not clothed and Laney was wrapped in a towel as I helped her to get her undies and pants on.  I guess I wasn't giving the Dude enough attention, because he walked over and bit Laney's shoulder, hard.  Thankfully her towel was still draped over her, so it wasn't as bad as the last time when the teeth marks on her arm eventually bruised.  After Liam served a brief time out in his crib, the kids made up and the rest of the morning went pretty well (other than Liam redecorating my car with Cheerios, which definitely needs to be vacuumed today).

We hit the grocery store after Liam's nap and then headed home to make Martha Stewart's Perfect Macaroni and Cheese (we cut the sauce part in half and add in diced ham!  Yum!!!!  Click here for the recipe )  I turned on an Octonauts episode after we got home and attempted to make dinner despite Liam's frantic whining and leg hugging as he tried to get me to carry him around.  I eventually gave him a snack cup of Cheerios (apparently not learning my lesson from the car) and sent him back to the family room to play.  A few minutes later it was pouring rain outside and raining Cheerios inside...all over the couch and carpet I had JUST vacuumed while he was napping.  So in the midst of making the perfect roux for the cheese sauce and boiling pasta, I whipped out the vacuum again.

Vacuuming at Shesh's house, where he
picked up his mad cleaning skills!

Liam loves to vacuum so I showed him how to vacuum up his mess (they are never too young to do chores!) and went back to food prep.  Then Laney began whining because she wanted to vacuum.  I know what you are thinking:  my kids were arguing over who was lucky enough to vacuum and I am complaining?  Well, here's why.  I told Laney it could be her turn in a minute, which translated in her mind to "get the vacuum out of Liam's hands at any cost-- immediately!"  She began to pry the vacuum wand out of his hands making him so mad that he started hitting/scratching/squealing and she returned the favor.  Mom intervention!  I jump between the two of them and wrestle the wand away from both of them, sending Laney to the front room for a time out for fighting with her brother, and giving Liam a time out in the corner of the kitchen for hitting and scratching.  Both were crying and carrying on as I finished sucking up the Cheerios.  About a minute into her 3 minute time out, Laney came flying back into the family room to watch tv, even though she was supposed to stay on the couch until I came to get her.  I told her that she was not done with her time out, and then she started screaming, telling me that she was going to keep screaming until she got to watch her show.  I noticed then that Liam had completely stopped crying and was sitting up, taking notice of how mommy was going to deal with her.  I calmly turned off the tv, carried Laney back to the time out couch in our front room, and told her that along with her 2 more minutes of time out, she now could not watch tv for the rest of the evening.  She cried for the duration of her timeout, sending the annoyed dog running into the kitchen to hide from the tantrum.

This was the first time that there had been a serious consequence other than a time out for her.  Rarely has she been this defiant, and I was quick to recognize that taking away her tv priveleges would instantly give clout to the time outs that she wasn't taking too seriously until yesterday.  When she was done crying, I gathered her up on my lap and talked to her about why I had taken the tv away, and made sure to tell her that even though I was punishing her for not following directions, I still loved her (something she has questioned in the past when in trouble.)

By the time Patrick got home 45 minutes later, the kids were quietly playing together, the kitchen was clean, and dinner had just come out of the oven.  As far as he was concerned, our day seemed perfect until I mentioned to him during dinner that Laney would need to talk to him after the meal was over about her behavior and consequent punishment.  Surprisingly, she took it in stride and told him very clearly what she had done wrong and accepted her punishment with grace.

The evening turned out nice after all.  Liam went to bed on time and happily, and Patrick and I got to spend some family reading time on the couch with Laney.  I survived my first taste of the years ahead of my and the consequences of breaking mom's rules.  Hopefully Laney learned something from this and will think twice about fighting with Liam.  Either that or I am going to dig out my playground whistle and start wearing it around the house.  The truth is, I am not just a mom anymore:  I am a full-time referee.